Funny & Fail home of the weekly emails of awesomeness

08.25.2011

07.29.2011

From My Life is Awesome:
I used "barnacles" as an expletive today. Everyone thought it was perfectly acceptable. Life went on as normal. At least, until my friend yelled "FINLAND!" later. Spongebob is apparently a great supplier of non-curse expletives. MLIA

Today, my best friend slept over, and we shared a bed. Her snoring, constant kicking, occasional smothering me, and sleep-talking about kitchenware was keeping me up for hours. So, how did I entertain myself for the rest of the night? Seeing how hard I could kick her without waking her up. She hasn't woken up yet or even stopped snoring, and I'm still kicking. MLIA.

My sister gave me a Strawberry scented Build A Bear teddy bear with a picture of a DQ blizzard on its foot for my birthday. My 18th birthday. Best sister ever? Yes, yes indeed. MLIA

A couple of days ago, I went to my cousin's wedding. There was a huge party afterwards and it was already a great party. But then some guy started handing out foam swords that lit up in three different colours. Everyone else was just swinging it around, but needless to say, my brother, some random girl and I had a fight where all of us died dramatically several times. MLIA

Today in physics, our professor froze the screen of our jumbo smart board so we could copy down an equation. Or at least he thought he froze it. He didn't push the button hard enough, so we got to see his beautiful drawings of a giant pikachu with a wand fighting a unicorn with a lightsaber on the crayola website. He didn't notice even when we started bursting out in laughter. He then printed 75 copies out, and gave them to us as we left. Now whenever we're in class, our inside joke is 'gotta draw 'em all!' M(and my professor's) LIA

Today, I was at the store with my brother and my mom. We were just about to pull out when an older gentleman came down the hill...standing on the end of the cart and riding it. His wife was walking and shaking her head. I'm hoping to be that cool when I'm older. MLIA

Today, my Asian auntie pointed at one of those Harry Potter posters and said 'Look at those two girls, they're so old now compared to when the first movie came out...' It was a picture of Hermione and Ron. HLIA

Today, I went to my parents house to grab a chainsaw and an ax to cut down a tree. When I left my garage the neighbor asked if I was "doing some yard work" I look at him and said "nope hunting zombies". He gave me a nod of approval. Mlia

Today I flew from Illinois to Maryland to see my grandmother who looked like she wasn't going to make it through the night. When I finally got to the hospital, she said that "she had been in the tunnel but didn't see a light at the end." Her reasoning for it was that God saw her coming and said, "Oh crap, she's coming" and shut the door. I love her. HerLIA

Today while checking out, I had bought my 2 year niece a toy phone. While she was playing with it in line I asked her "who are you going to call" and the old lady who was the cashier and the lady behind me both screamed "GHOST BUSTERS" =D MLIA

Today, I read an FML story : "Today, I went out with my family and boyfriend for dinner. We were all having a good time, and suddenly at the end of dinner he decides to kneel down on one knee, take out an engagement ring, and say 'I choose you, Pikachu,' with a straight face. He was serious. FML" I don't understand how that was at all bad, all I know is that the boyfriend belongs here.

I have "I'll Make a Man Out of You" from Mulan as my ring tone. Today I forgot to turn the volume off and my phone rang in class. Instead of getting angry, my teacher gave me a high five and told me to let it ring so he could sing along. MLIA

Last summer while sitting in the car with the windows down a Michael Jackson song came on the radio. A lady about 60yrs old walks by and starts doing the moon walk. When I'm a grandma I want to be just like her. MLIA

Today, i found out it is illegal to set fire to the wooden leg of a wooden legged man in Canada. I love my country. MLIA.

While doing homework on my bed, I thought I heard my cat come up, so I started petting her. Eventually I looked down. Turns out I was petting a pillow for two hours... MLIA.

I was on MysterySeeker today, hoping to finally get a good mission like all the others. So I typed, "Mission me up, Scotty." Check out my mission. "What is your mission, you bubbly piglet? Renounce your pirate ways, hone your skills as a ninja and use those skills on random passerbys." MISSION ACCEPTED. I know what I'm doing tomorrow. MLIA.

Today, I went to a movie while wearing fairy wings. I got 3 thumbs up, 2 hugs, and a middle finger. Normal Day. MLIA

A while back my friend drew a ninja on her test saying," The red pen of judgment shall never pass my ninja skills!" When she got it back, the teacher had wrote," Ahh, but can your ninja defeat the purple pen of misfortune?" She got a 84 on the test. Now I know why this guy was my favorite teacher.H(is)LIA

This evening I found out that 101 dalmations and Wendy from Peter Pan are the only two Disney characters whose parents are present and don't die throughout the movie, I felt very bad for all the other characters.MLIA

Today, I met a 4 year old girl named Isabella Sawan.(Her mom named her that before twilight came out). Her Mom was telling me how she got suspended from her preschool that day because she punched a little boy who tried to kiss her. His name was Edward. MLIA


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Pending...

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